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why your team won’t win the super bowl

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s that time again. With the preseason nearly complete, it’s time for the fifth annual “Why your team won’t win the Super Bowl” column. Book a flight to Las Vegas immediately and bet the farm – this is why your favorite football franchise won’t get it done this year.

Arizona Cardinals – Matt Leinart can’t beat out Kurt Warner. Kurt Warner can’t beat anyone but Matt Leinart.

Atlanta Falcons – The Falcons named rookie quarterback Matt Ryan their starter, guaranteeing no more than five wins in 2008. Sadly, that would be an improvement over last year’s four-win effort. I’d say more, but I don’t want to sound like I’m picking on the autistic kid.

Baltimore Ravens – Is Kyle Boller still on the Ravens? Nuff’ said.

Buffalo Bills – Oh how tortured Bills fans long for the days of choking in the Super Bowl. Buffalo is going to be so disappointing this season that they’re openly trying to deport themselves to Canada.

Carolina Panthers – Nevermind wide out Steve Smith sucker-punching teammates during practice – how do you expect me to take your franchise seriously when you draft Jon Stewart to play running back?

Chicago Bears – Talk to me when Devin Hester learns to play quarterback too.

Cincinnati Bengals – Other than collect convicted felons, what exactly have the Cincinnati Bengals done well since head coach Marvin Lewis came to town?

Cleveland Browns – Because they’re the Browns.

Dallas Cowboys – Terrell Owens. Pacman Jones. Tank Johnson. It’s nothing short of hysterical that on a team full of assholes and screw-ups the biggest name keeping them from winning a playoff game is Jessica Simpson.

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(courtesy photo)


a bitter homecoming

No sense in lying to you, this week’s game isn’t going to be easy for Homer McFanboy. You see, unlike Vinnie Cerrato, I was actually a fan of Gregg Williams and would have loved to have seen him become the next head coach of the Washington Redskins after Joe Gibbs raced back to NASCAR. But we all know that’s not how things played out at Redskins Park.

Jim Zorn was given the job and Williams landed in Jacksonville, where he takes over an already talented defense. With the Jags coming to town Thursday night, it seems I’m not the only person with “Gregg the Genius” on the mind. Jason La Canfora has a nice feature story on the ties that still bind Williams to D.C. If that’s not enough, Dave Elfin spends some time with London Fletcher talking about his old boss.

Once you get your fill of the return of Gregg, head over to Chris Cooley’s blog to help join the band of crime fighters taking on the case of Chief Zee’s missing tomahawk. And a quick note to all you humanitarians, whoever helps find and return the Chief’s prized possession can score a free autographed Cooley jersey for their troubles.

From crime fighting to the truly bizarre, we turn our attention to an entry by the Redskins official blogger, Matt Terl, who shares with us a FedEx Field cake. Three workers from Kristi’s Kakes spent 26 hours creating a replica of Dan Snyder’s least favorite stadium for a bar mitzvah. The least you can do is click the link and check out the photos for yourself.

And finally, a recovering alcoholic named Ned Bitters decides to take aim at your’s truly in his weekly “Overrated” column. I’d quote an excerpt from his tirade, but honestly, none of it is actually suitable for print. Let’s just say he thinks Homer McFanboy goes above and beyond the call of duty to provide Redskins coverage. Or something like that.

(photo by Brian Murphy)


the final countdown

Last night on Skinscast, we tackled the topic of which players would still be members of the Washington Redskins once the final cuts are made and we’re down to the 53-man roster. This came after five players – wide receiver Burl Toler, linebacker Matt Sinclair, safety Vernon Fox, defensive tackle Babatunde Oshinowo and defensive end Dorian Smith – were given their walking papers in the first round of cuts.

Admittedly, this was not an easy process and we didn’t all exactly agree on how we thought the scenario would play out. Listed below is, barring injury, our best guess as to who’ll still be around this time next week.

QB: J. Campbell, T. Collins, C. Brennan (3)

Nothing out of the ordinary here.

RB: C. Portis, L. Betts, R. Cartwright, M. Mason (4)

Bottom line – Marcus Mason has been too good this preseason to let go. You’ve got to find a spot for him on the active roster because the second you attempt to stash him away on the practice squad another team will gladly swoop in and steal him away.

FB: M. Sellers (1)

Mike Sellers is that good. No help needed.

TE: C. Cooley, T. Yoder, F. Davis (3)

Honestly, this might be the ‘Skins deepest position on the roster.

WR: S. Moss, A. Randle El, J. Thrash, D. Thomas, M. Kelly (5)

We opted to cut both Anthony Mix and Billy McMullen, but had a harder time letting McMullen go. Really it came down to one roster spot for either McMullen or Marcus Mason, with Mason winning out.

OL: J. Jansen, C. Samuels, R. Thomas, P. Kendall, C. Rabach, S. Heyer, C. Rinehart, J. Fabini, J. Geisinger (9)

Todd Wade loses out here, mostly because he just can’t stay healthy.

DL: J. Taylor, A. Carter, C. Griffin, A. Montgomery, K. Golston, D. Evans, E. James, L. Alexander, R. Jackson, R. Boschetti (10)

This one was tough. I argued that Chris Wilson, who was third on the team in sacks last year, deserves a roster spot more than Boschetti, but was overruled.

LB: L. Fletcher, M. Washington, R. McIntosh, H.B. Blades, K. Campbell, A. Fincher (6)

When Matt Sinclair was waived because of an injury, the door opened for Alfred Fincher to sneak in and earn a spot in the linebacker rotation. Otherwise, not much has changed with this group.

CB: S. Springs, F. Smoot, C. Rogers, L. Torrence, J.T. Tryon (5)

No surprises here.

S: L. Landry, R. Doughty, K. Moore, C. Horton (4)

Take a look at the average age/experience of the Redskins safeties. If Landry misses any significant time due to injury this season, the ‘Skins become painfully thin at safety. That’s why you saw Shawn Springs spending some time at safety during the preseason.

ST: S. Suisham, D. Frost, E. Albright (3)

Derrick Frost, in my humble opinion, has outplayed rookie punter Durant Brooks. His 64-yard punt from his own endzone was better than anything we’ve seen from Brooks since he came to town.

If you think we got it wrong, then feel free to leave a comment or send us an email. And if you’re looking for a time waster today, then go listen to Skinscast.

(photo by Brian Murphy)

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