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26Oct

moment of zen

(photo by Brian Murphy)

Sure, seemingly everything around the Washington Redskins is crumbling. The team has turned into a punchline after giving three previously winless teams their first victory of the season. Well, it’s either that or hiring a bingo caller to run your offense instead of your offensive coordinator-turned-head coach. Really, feel free to take your pick.

And now, the Redskins host the Philadelphia Eagles on Monday night – which means all eyes will be locked on the dysfunctional franchise we’ve all come to know and love (which isn’t a good thing – not with the ‘Skins struggling in primetime games even before this disappointing season). So yeah, there’s not a lot of cause for that cautious optimism we spoke of before the season.

But that’s okay. Because we’ve still got really hot cheerleaders, and that’s got to count for something. So instead of focusing on all of the overwhelming negativity surrounding the Redskins, please enjoy this photo. She looks happy. Maybe looking at the photo can help you get there too.

One final tangent. Morons keep forwarding us a list of pitiful jokes that go something like this:

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

A. The Washington Redskins.

Here’s our issue: if they have a 53-man roster (plus eight on the practice squad), why are only 47 Redskins getting together for this hypothetical Super Bowl? Seriously. This bothers us. Are the rest of the players jerks who blow off team functions? Is there dissension in the locker room? Did Mike Sellers screw up his assignment and end up at the wrong location?

If you’re going to tell shitty jokes, can you at least have the common courtesy to do basic research into the number of players on an NFL roster. Jesus, thanks for screwing up our moment of zen. You dick.

23Oct

schultz, caps down thrashers

(photo by Kevin C. Cox)

If the Washington Capitals are going to be a legitimate contender, then they’re going to need wins like Thursday night’s 5-4 victory over the Atlanta Thrashers at Philips Arena.

On a night when forward Alex Ovechkin was a nonfactor and forward Alexander Semin was out of the line-up due to an illness, the Caps found the secondary scoring that’s often lacking – thanks to goals from Eric Fehr, Alexandre Giroux, Jeff Schultz, Matt Bradley and Chris Clark.

Put it this way, the Capitals top five forwards – Ovechkin, Nicklas Backstrom, Brooks Laich, Mike Knuble and Brendan Morrison – went pointless. The Caps’ powerplay failed on all seven attempts and even gave up a shorthanded goal. Washington goalie Semyon Varlamov gave up two soft goals. And yet, the Capitals were able to beat a division rival on the road. That doesn’t happen very often.

“It was good because I didn’t think our number-one line was very productive, and our special teams – that was probably our power play’s worst night in the three years I’ve been here,” said coach Bruce Boudreau. “You need them sometimes, and tonight we got them.”

Leading the way for this improbable victory was Schultz – the lanky defender who frustrates many Caps fans with his inconsistent play.

Against Atlanta, Schultz was everywhere – throwing around his body, clearing opposing players away from the net and playing with a general confidence that’s been missing from his game. Fehr’s breakaway goal, just over two minutes into the game, was only possible because of a perfect cross-rink pass from Schultz.

With the score tied 1-1, the Caps took the lead again – this time courtesy of their top two Hershey Bears. Scrappy forward Keith Aucoin faked a slapshot from the left faceoff circle and then fired a beautiful pass to Giroux, who lifted a wrist shot over Thrashers goalie Ondrej Pavelec to regain the lead.

The game was tied 2-2 courtesy of Ilya Kovelchuk, the NHL’s second best Russian goal scorer, after the first period. But the Capitals took over the game for good with a flurry of second-period goals to chase Pavelec from the game and ensure they left Atlanta with two points.

Schultz picked up his first goal of the season on the flukiest of plays. Schultz took the puck from Varlamov and harmlessly flipped the puck out of the Caps’ defensive zone in the general direction of Knuble. The puck took a couple of bounces and somehow skipped over the shoulder of Pavelec to give Schultz a goal from roughly 150 feet away.

Bradley’s goal also came courtesy of Schultz, who blasted a shot from the point that Pavelec once again had trouble corralling. Bradley, who was camped out near the net, got to the rebound before the Thrashers goalie and lifted a shot into the open net for the 4-2 lead.

Just 14 seconds later, Clark took advantage of a fortuitous bounce off the boards behind the net to give the Caps three goals in just 88 seconds and a 5-2 lead.

The Thrashers got back into the game, thanks to a shorthanded goal by defenseman Zach Bogosian and Kovalchuk’s second goal of the net, but the Capitals were able to survive the late surge and preserve the win.

“It wasn’t a textbook game,” Boudreau said. “I think both teams were really sloppy. Both teams got some pretty soft goals. It wasn’t a very well-played hockey game.”

But the man of the night was Schultz, who had the first three-point night of his NHL career. A guy who had one goal all of last season – and it came on an empty netter – paved the way on a night when, more times than not, the Capitals would have lost this game. In fact, Washington was 1-9-1 in games when Ovechkin, Semin, Backstrom and defenseman Mike Green went scoreless last season.

The Caps don’t need this kind of offensive output from Schultz every night, but games like this will go a long way towards showing your head coach and your teammates that you can be trusted. And while the points are great, the best way for Schultz to quiet the critics is to go out and play solid hockey on both ends of the rink. This game, hopefully, was his first step in the right direction.

21Oct

caption this IX

(photo by Brian Murphy)

Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, it’s time for another round of “caption this.”

The game is fairly simple, as you hopefully know by now. We supply the photo and you bring the witty reader-submitted captions. You might not win any cool prizes, but you’ll be formally recognized for being better than your peers and will get some love here on the blog.

Here’s our humble offering for this photo to help get folks started:

“Always the innovator, Redskins coach Jim Zorn experiments with popup targets to help improve quarterback Jason Campbell’s downfield accuracy.”

Think you can do better? Leave a comment below with your best caption.

[Editor’s note: The winner is Paige with a caption of, You know it’s bad when the players start doing the wave out of boredom.”]

20Oct

redskins searching for answers

(photo by Brian Murphy)

Times are tough for the Washington Redskins. After losing to yet another doormat, head coach Jim Zorn and friends find themselves at the center of the storm.

A Redskins team that started 6-2 last season has crashed hard – losing 10 out of their last 14 games. As the 2009 season quickly spirals out on control, there’s a sense of hopelessness surrounding the entire organization and it’s fanbase.

With losses to bottom dwellers like Detroit, Carolina and now Kansas City, folks have one question on their mind – how did it get to this?

“From my standpoint, I look at it and take full responsibility,” said Zorn in his post-game press conference. “I am the head football coach. Nobody has more responsibility than I do. That is the way I look at it. I have got to come up with answers and I will. I think our coaches are working hard and I have confidence in what they are doing. Our players really care. We had a real good after-game meeting and it was to the point. It is going to be a very hard week. Last week I thought that it was as hard as it was going to get, but it just got harder.”

And that’s what Zorn said prior to the announcement that he would no longer handle playcalling duties. Redskins players hear Zorn week after week, as he tries to shoulder the blame for all of the team’s deficiencies, and they can’t help but feel sorry for him and the situation they’ve put him in.

“You know, it’s tough,” said defensive end Andre Carter. “Coach Zorn said he’s got to figure out how to help the offense. But we told him, it’s on us as players. He can make the calls, but it’s on us – on both sides of the ball – to execute. Coach Zorn is a great coach. We enjoy him – his presence, his jokes, his long stories – I mean, he’s a great guy. We’re coming in tomorrow as if he’s going to still be here. We can’t control what’s going to happen up top. But we can control how we play.”

Redskins receiver Malcolm Kelly took it one step further.

“I feel really sorry for the man,” Kelly said. “It’s almost like a quarterback and a coach are the same. If a team is losing, those are the first two people they’re going to point a finger at. It doesn’t matter if nothing around them is going right, they always take the blame. But a lot of the time, he shouldn’t take the blame. It should fall on the guys out there playing football. I feel really sorry for him though, because it’s a “show me” type league and they want to see us win. They’re going to say what they’re going to say and tear him down, but we want him back.”

The bottom line is – football isn’t very fun when you’re struggling as badly as the Redskins are.

“I think this week’s been really tough for us,” said tight end Chris Cooley. “I think the last few have been because we’ve put in so much work and there are such high expectations of this team. Not just from the media or our fanbase, but from inside. We expect a lot, and to keep losing is rough. I know it’s hard on a lot of guys and especially on the staff. We’ve just got to keep working. I know I’m going to, and I count on my teammates to do the same.”

Regardless of expectations, for the third time this season a previously winless team got its first victory of the season at the expense of the Redskins. How the hell does that happen?

“I’m really at a loss for words,” said safety Reed Doughty. “I don’t feel like we’re a 2-4 team. I look at how we started off last year and what we did the year before, and now, I’m just dumbfounded. Somehow, we’re just not putting it all together. I don’t know what changes are going to be made, but hopefully we can get on a roll.”

But in order for this team to get on any sort of roll, some serious soul searching is in order. Not just with the players, but with coaches and even management. Until then, the Redskins will likely suffer the same fate as they have against the Lions, the Panthers and the Chiefs.

“That’s why it’s so frustrating,” said safety Chris “The Predator” Horton. “We know we should have come out and beat this team. Every man needs to go home and look in the mirror and say ‘I need to do better.’ Even if you had a great game, you need to see what you can do to help this team win games.”

Everyone on the roster should realize exactly what’s at stake now. We’re not talking about wins and losses. We’re not talking about playing for pride. We’re talking about people losing jobs if things don’t get better in a hurry.

Regardless of who is calling the plays or who is taking the snaps or even who is on the offensive line, the Redskins need better results. If not, it’s only a matter of time before sweeping changes are made.

19Oct

chiefs playlist

(photo by Brian Murphy)

1. “It’s a Disaster” by OK Go

After losing to yet another doormat last week, falling to the previously winless Carolina Panthers 20-17, the Washington Redskins absolutely needed a strong showing against the Kansas City Chiefs Sunday.

That’s because, heading into the Chiefs game, the Redskins were just 2-3 after playing one of the easiest schedules in the history of the NFL.

Kansas City came into the game as the sixth-consecutive team the ‘Skins have faced this season without a win. And if you toss aside the New York Giants, who Washington played week one, the combined record of St. Louis, Detroit, Tampa Bay and Carolina was 2-17 – with both wins coming against the burgundy and gold.

So yeah, if there was ever such thing as a must-win game … well, this was it.

Of course, nothing is easy for the 2009 Washington Redskins.

That’s the only explanation for running back Clinton Portis fumbling away the ball on the opening drive – ensuring that yet another pitiful team felt they were in the game against the Redskins. And sadly, the rest of the first half was even worse, with Washington heading into the locker room down 3-0 at the break.

Redskins quarterback Jason Campbell completed nine out of 16 passes for 89 yards with no touchdowns, one interception and a QB rating of 46.1. Portis went into halftime with just 23 yards on 11 carries and the fumble. We’d mention someone in the passing game, but the Redskins don’t have one.

Seriously though, the ‘Skins offense had just four first downs in the first half and were behind in pretty much any category the NFL keeps stats in.

Campbell and the offense were so ineffective that the Chiefs nearly doubled their time of possession (19:51 to 10:09), which meant that even though the Redskins defense had performed well, they were on the field way too much in the first half.

At that point, no one could have faulted coach Jim Zorn if he threw a uniform on and trotted out onto the field to play quarterback himself to start the second half. Anything had to be better than what ‘Skins fans were subjected to in the first half.

2. “A Good Idea at the Time” by Ok Go

Todd Collins is more than a back-up quarterback. He’s a savior. At least, that’s what we’ve heard over and over and over and over pretty much all season long from a vocal minority of Redskins fans who swore he was the answer to all the team’s problems.

Nevermind that he’s only ever been successful running an Al Saunders offense (*700-page playbook not included) he has roughly four decades of experience in. These fans were adamant that he could step in immediately and become a West Coast sensation overnight, quickly showing fans, coaches and Jason Campbell himself how a quarterback should play.

All of that sounds great … until Collins actually got in the game.

His first pass attempt was a thing of beauty – a 42-yard bomb to wide out Santana Moss. But the rest of Collins’ outing was remarkable for one reason – he actually played so poorly that fans chanted “We Want Campbell! We Want Campbell!”

For the day, Collins went six for 14 for 75 yards (with a QB rating of 60.1). Take away the Moss pass, and you’re looking at five completions on 13 attempts for 33 yards. And that’s before we mention that he was sacked twice, fumbled twice and brought down for a safety when the game was on the line because he’s too slow to actually avoid any sort of rush.

We doubt it, but maybe, just maybe, Collins dreadful day was enough to show those fans that Tom Brady couldn’t be successful in the Redskins offense, as presently constructed.

The offensive line is a joke. No one plays with any confidence. Points are so hard to come by that our good friends from Japers’ Rink pointed out that the Redskins and Alex Ovechkin both finished the week with six points (with Ovechkin winning the tiebreaker via his shootout goal Saturday night against Nashville).

3. “Maybe, This Time” by Ok Go

As you all know by now, Portis and fullback Mike Sellers had a little dust up recently after Sellers found out that Portis asked the coaches to bench Big Mike in favor of Todd Yoder.

It seems, after seeing Sellers miss key blocks time and time again, Portis finally had enough and figured it was easier to change fullbacks instead of waiting for Sellers to learn how to pick up the right defender. So why do we bring this up?

Well, Portis has 73 touchdowns over the span of his eight-year career. And none of those 73 touchdowns were as long as the 78-yard run Portis broke off early in the third quarter against Kansas City. But did Portis get in the endzone on the longest run of his career? Nope. Not a chance. And why is that? You guessed it. Because Sellers had one guy to block and couldn’t do it, so Portis got tackled on the 10-yard line.

The Redskins had to settle for a fieldgoal that drive and any hope of someone other than kicker Shaun Suisham scoring points on the day was crushed.

Sobering fact: the Redskins have given up as many safeties as they’ve scored touchdowns over the last two weeks. So basically, if they’re in an endzone, it’s 50-50 as to which team gets to celebrate.

4. “Do What You Want” by OK Go

Say what you will about the conditioning of Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth, but the guy continues to impact games more than anyone else wearing burgundy and gold this year.

Against Kansas City, Fat Albert was everywhere – finishing the game with five tackles, four quarterback hits, one pass defended and a half of a sack. But the Haynesworth effect goes much further than just one guy – all he has to do is take the field and it free up his teammates to make plays around him because of the constant double and triple teams that Haynesworth requires.

That explains why defensive end Andre Carter has 5.5 sacks in six games, after finishing the 2008 season with just four sacks. It also explains how a rookie like linebacker/defensive end Brian Orakpo can have four sacks through six games when the guy he effectively replaced, All-Pro defensive end Jason Taylor, had just four all last season. Opposing offenses have to gameplan so much for Haynesworth that his teammates can’t help but to benefit.

The Redskins had five sacks against the Chiefs, and have 11 sacks over the last three weeks. All this from a team that recorded only 24 sacks all last year. So yeah, we’ve got no problem with Haynesworth coming off the field for a couple plays here and there. Because he still impacts the game more than anyone else on the roster – even when he’s only on the field for 65 percent of the snaps.

5. “Shortly Before the End” by OK Go

The Jim Zorn Era is officially coming to an end. That’s the only reasonable explanation for the news that Vinny Cerrato relieved Zorn of his playcalling duties.

It might be difficult to believe now, but when Cerrato and friends first hired Zorn before the 2008 season, it was to be the offensive coordinator. Management was convinced this guy was an innovator and, more importantly, that Zorn was the guy who could get Campbell to reach his potential.

Of course, legitimate NFL head coaches don’t like to walk into a situation where your boss has already handpicked your staff, so no one else wanted to take over the Redskins head coaching job, which is why Zorn received the promotion to coach just 15 days later.

After a 6-2 start, everything looked great. The Redskins offense looked solid and Campbell went a month at a time without throwing an interception. But then something happened. Maybe defenses caught up to Zorn’s west coast offense or the offense became too predictable.

Whatever the case, the ‘Skins have gone just 4-10 since then and now Zorn has been stripped of the sole reason he was brought to D.C. in the first place. We fully understand that things aren’t working on offense for the Redskins, but this isn’t the way to improve the situation. All this does is cut the legs out from under Zorn.

In a perfect world, he’d have said, “I’m not giving up playcalling. Either fire me or go away.” Unfortunately, he’s too classy for that. So he’ll be left to dangle in the wind until management sees fit to finally let him go. And when he’s gone, a new coach with a new quarterback will take over and eventually suffer the same fate, unless owner Daniel Snyder realizes the organization’s problems run a lot deeper than a coach or a quarterback.

Our only question is: how ironic is it that Cerrato was the one to tell Zorn he’s in over his head?

16Oct

caps blast sharks

(photo by Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

The Washington Capitals hadn’t beaten the San Jose Sharks in more than a decade, and were winless lifetime against goalie Evgeni Nabokov (8-0-0). And if that’s not bad enough, the Sharks were the one team in the NHL that superstar Alex Ovechkin had yet to score a goal against. Oh, and the Caps were winless in their last four games.

All of that would lead a reasonable fan to assume that the Capitals would struggle Thursday night when San Jose, who earned the President’s Cup a season ago for the most points in the league, came to the Verizon Center.

That, as they say, is why they play the game.

During the second period, Ovechkin scored twice in the span of 28 seconds to blow open a 1-1 game as the Capitals cruised to their most impressive win of the season. Forwards Alexander Semin and Matt Bradley also scored in the win.

“We played well today and were able to scratch out a win,” Ovechkin said to the media circus after the win. “We did a good job all around and found a way to win the game. We knew it was going to be a hard game but we had a good second period and I’m happy to get two points.”

While there was a lot to be happy about at the conclusion of this one, there is some cause for concern – Caps goalie Jose Theodore, who has been stellar in net this season, left the game after the first period due to injury.

Semyon Varlamov, who’s been left to ride the bench after some shaky play earlier this season, started the second period and looked solid in relief, finishing the game with 15 saves.

“You couldn’t have written a better script to have Varly having his struggles the two previous games and then to come in and shut down a team like this,” said coach Bruce Boudreau. “That must be good for his confidence.”

General Manager George McPhee told reporters after the game that Theodore left the game because of back spasms and, like most of us, he is day-to-day.

Should Theodore be out for any length of time, the Caps would go with Varlamov and would likely recall Michal Neuvirth, the Hershey Bears goalie who has been sidelined with a hip injury.

Instead of dwelling on a possible nerve-wracking goalie situation, we’ll instead focus on Ovechkin, who once again found a way to single-handedly take over a game.

“I thought we were a really determined group tonight and when Alex got those two goals, it seemed like a surge of confidence in our team,” Boudreau said.

It should be noted that both of Ovechkin’s goals came courtesy of new linemates, Mike Knuble and Brendan Morrison. The players like to joke about Boudreau’s “musical chairs” method of juggling lines, but as long as it continues to provide results, there’s little reason to change.

And while Ovechkin and Semin are expected to score, Bradley scored a goal on his former team that was definitely a cause for celebration. We were at Caps practice one day last week and overheard forward Brooks Laich giving Bradley some grief as the two friends left the ice.

“Nice to see you didn’t work on your shot in the offseason,” Laich said.

But they don’t come much prettier than Bradley’s goal against San Jose.

Defenseman Milan Jurcina blasted a shot from the point and when the rebound ended up on the stick of Bradley, the checking line forward went top shelf. It was a goal scorer’s goal from a guy who is usually described as anything but.

“It was good to see Matt get one,” said Knuble. “He’s been plugging away and played a really strong game. That whole line did. It was good to see them get rewarded, too.”

The Caps had it all Thursday night against one of the NHL’s elite teams. Balanced goal scoring, solid defense and timely saves from their goaltenders paved the way for an easier than expected win against the Sharks.

If the Capitals can build off of this momentum and continue to correct the minor issues that plagued them during their losing streak, there’s little reason to doubt they’ll be returning to the top of the Eastern Conference standings sooner rather than later.

15Oct

knuble settling in just fine

(photo by Brian Murphy)

It became painfully obvious during last year’s playoff run that the Washington Capitals, while immensely talented, were lacking in one major area.

Sure, guys like Alex Ovechkin, Alexander Semin and Nicklas Backstrom can skate circles around the competition, but that can also be a problem. More than once, coach Bruce Boudreau was left standing at the podium after a tough loss trying to explain why his players were more concerned with out-skating the competition instead of out-hustling them.

Thankfully, the Capitals are the smartest franchise in town. When there’s a problem, they’re quick to identify it and to find a way to resolve it.

So when free agency began, the team moved quickly to sign forward Mike Knuble – a gritty 37-year-old who has no desire to end up on highlight reels. He’s the epitome of a blue-collar worker. He shows up for work, does whatever the boss man asks of him and never bitches or moans.

If you’re building a team around talented 20-somethings, it’s vital to have a guy like Knuble to point them in the right direction. With that in mind, we sat down with the newest member of the Washington Capitals to see how he’s adjusting to his newest challenge.

Everyone knows what it’s like to be the new kid in school. How tough was it to get used to a new locker room and feel like you fit in with these guys?

“Hockey players are hockey players,” Knuble said. “It’s been good. You known some of the guys beforehand and have friends who’ve played with guys, so everybody kind of knows a little bit about you before you get here.”

Obviously playing with the Philadelphia Flyers, you were familiar with most of the names here. Has anything been different from some of the thoughts you might have had coming into this new situation?

“No, everything’s been good,” he said. “It’s a good bunch and they like to have fun. You can tell they genuinely care for each other, and those are all good parts.”

Talking to some of the guys, they say you fit in so quickly, they don’t even consider you a new guy anymore …

“Yeah, I’m catching up on some of the inside jokes and stuff like that,” Knuble said. “So I can at least know what they’re talking about half the time. When you start catching up on the jokes and stuff, you know you’ve been here long enough.”

This team got off to a hot start, with a couple of early victories, but you’ve lost your last four – two in overtime and two in regulation. What do you chalk it up to and how do you turn it around?

“Obviously, if I knew that, I guess I’d be the coach, wouldn’t I,” he asked with a laugh. “I think in a couple games it was our penalty killing – or taking a penalty late and not being able to kill it. Giving the opponent a chance to cash in, which they did. Last game, our powerplay let us down a little bit, I think. Five on five, I think we’ve been pretty good. I think it’s been coming down to our special teams battles. If you were to crunch the numbers, I think it would reveal itself in the numbers.”

You’re a veteran player who does well planting yourself in front of the net and digging pucks out of the corners. Since you’ve been here, you’ve skated with a handful of different guys. Does it matter to you who you’re on a line with?

“I think I have success when I play with good players,” Knuble said. “Good players get the puck to the net and that’s when I can help out. You saw with our goal the other night, the puck bounces off your skate and goes to Mike Green, who puts it in the back of the net. Just stuff like that, is kind of what we need. That’s what I do. But I’m going to be a good teammate and play wherever Bruce wants me to.”

You’ve played on some impressive teams in your career. How does the talent level on this Caps team stack up against those squads?

“This is a great group,” he said. “They’ve all grown and come up together. They’ve got a few years together now with guys having been here for four or five years. When guys first came in they took a lot of losses and got beat up on. But they stuck with it as a group. They took their losses in order to grow, and now, it’s time for the next step.”

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