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(photo by Brian Murphy)

Man, I hate these things. Speaking at someone’s wake … er … wedding is never pleasant. Okay, where should I begin?

It’s easy to see why Chris Cooley is one of the most popular athletes in town. For starters, he might be legally insane. Doubters need only talk to the folks at Cooley’s banking institution of choice in Leesburg, Virginia, where they’re still trying to recover from the time he went to the drive-through window to deposit a check. Not just any check, mind you. No, this particular check on that fateful day was a multi-million-dollar signing bonus with his name already signed on the back. Apparently walking in the building with his biggest paycheck in his young career wasn’t an option, but putting the check into the little thermos-like-contraption and sending the golden ticket to a Pacman Jones’ “Makin’ it Rain” party through the tube was a better idea. Just another day in the life of a semi-mormon tight end.

One of my first chances to talk with Cooley was after a 2005 preseason game against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Regardless of how he played in that game, I knew I needed to corner him a get some answers to the hard-hitting type of questions people have come to expect from me — like, “What’s up with the mullet?”

Cooley laughed, caught slightly off-guard. Even though there were dozens of media members in the post-game locker room, it seems I was the only one in the room who noticed the always fashionable hairstyle. He explained that teammates persuaded the second-year tight end to shave his hair into a mullet before the game, and to take it to the next level, Cooley had taken a magic marker and drawn a big, curly mustache on his face just for kicks. When I asked him about it, he kind of shrugged his shoulders and explain that training camp gets old really quick and he wanted to lighten up the mood in the locker room. Mission accomplished.

That was the 2005 Chris Cooley, only embarking on his second season of professional football. The following season, now feeling completely at home, he decided to sport an afro – again, just for the hell of it – that I was fortunate enough to capture in all it’s glory and can be seen at the top of this entry.

Other highlights with our wacky Pro Bowler include Cooley hitting the field for training camp dressed like one of those pricey role-playing hookers only disgraced politicians and Eddie Murphy really get to encounter.

Or arriving to camp with a spiffy buzz-cut look, severely limiting the options when planning on any shenanigans, so to make it up to everyone, he grew a pornstache, for no apparent reason.

And that, my friends, is just the tip.

Cooley was the first NFL player to talk openly about being involved in fantasy football. In fact, he’s on the record for costing himself a fantasy football playoff game because he scored three touchdowns against the hated Dallas Cowboys, only to discover his opponent that week had “Fantasy Cooley,” who scored him more than enough points to send the tight end home empty handed.

And we can’t forget the birth of Captain Chaos. Former teammate/fellow metalhead Brian Kozlowski bet Cooley $100 he wouldn’t introduce himself as Captain Chaos to the St. Louis Rams’ captains before a game. “There were five captains,” Cooley said. “I looked every one in the face and said: ‘I’m Captain Chaos. Nice to meet you.'” Reebok made a T-shirt, and the name stuck. No word on if Koz ever paid up though.

These days, with a firm grasp on the potential gold mind here, Cooley has started his very own Outside Football blog. If you ever wanted to know Chris’ thoughts on a possible jell-o wrestling match involving Cooley and his fiance’ Christy taking on Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson, it’s only a click away.

In fact, his blog is so open and honest that within the last week, Cooley has posted about his pending wedding to the former First Lady of Football set for this Friday and wrote a very well thought out entry on the owner’s decision to opt out of the collective bargaining agreement. He’s enjoying doing it, and more importantly, he’s good at blogging. I had a few moments to catch up with Chris and to ask him about his new roll as a tight end/h-back/blogger. Click here to listen to the full interview.

So now, let’s wrap this thing up with a toast to the man of the hour – everyone please raise your glasses.

“To lesbians and virgins – thanks for nothing.”

It is often said that the quarterback of the Redskins is the second most important position in Washington, behind only the president. Well, I’m here to tell you – this may be a QB’s town, but it certainly isn’t a place that shows the center much love.

Casey Rabach is a forgotten man. Chris Samuels, Jon Jansen and Randy Thomas are all bigger names on the offensive line. Hell, even the guy running the O-line, Joe Bugel, is more well known than the center. I’d argue that even the team’s long snapper, Ethan Albright, gets more attention than Rabach. Between making the Pro Bowl last year and the infamous Madden feud, the “Red Snapper” has definitely made more of a name for himself than the mighty Casey. I mean, what has anyone heard about Rabach in the last year? Not much, other than the fact that the rookie head coach doesn’t like the angle of his rear end when he’s got the ball in his hands.

Did Rabach complain or tell the rookie coach to pipe down? Not a chance. He simply said, “If raising my butt an inch or two is going to help, whatever, I’ll accommodate them. It’ll take a little time. It’ll feel awkward at first, but we’ll get it done.”

All of this to ensure that whichever golden boy lines up behind him gets the football delivered as smoothly as possible. Heaven forbid a quarterback actually do any work back there. Damned divas.

In the interest of full disclosure, after more than three years of being around the team, Casey Rabach is one of my favorite ‘Skins players to interview. He’s definitely not stuck up or worried about his public image. He’s very comfortable in his own skin and knows who he is and what he brings to the table at this point in his career. So much so, that often he’s standing there in the locker room with nothing more than a towel wrapped around him and with dip in his mouth. You can take the boy out of the country, but … well … you know the rest.

Anyone watching a ‘Skins practice can’t help but notice he always seems to be having the time of his life.

During minicamp, all eyes are on the rookies, right? Folks around town want to know every detail possible about the newest additions to the team. With that in mind, I asked Rabach how rookie offensive lineman Chad Rinehart looked after practice one day during minicamp and he replied, “Which number was he?” Kind of puts a rookie in his place, huh?

During another day of camp, Rabach could be seen chasing Pro Bowl tight end Chris Cooley 30 yards downfield after a catch-and-run, all the while yelling “I’ve got your back! I’ve got your back!” over and over. I guess he wanted Cooley to know if he was winded and needed to pitch the ball to a 300 lb. lineman, he was there to help a brother out.

He’s also a guy who enjoys ice fishing while enjoying a few ice cold brews during the offseason. Or renting an RV with buddy Jon Jansen during training camp. Or flashing the batwing at an unsuspecting teammate. Or mooning the FOX Morning Show’s live shot. And while we’re on the subject, I’m 99 percent sure that Rabach also mooned a group of Redskins fans for good measure, when they gathered for a send-off at Redskins Park as the team was leaving for New Orleans a couple seasons ago. But let’s be honest, they probably deserved it.

All I know is that if I were on the team and had to suffer through the dog days of summer, Casey Rabach is one of the very first guys I’d want on the team to keep things light and enjoyable. The fact that he’s one of the better centers in the NFL is merely a bonus.

(courtesy photo)

Kids.

No matter how much you try and coddle them or prepare them for the real world almost universally they all end up learning the hard way.

I saw the potential for a problem at minicamp and tried to head it off at the pass with rookie tight end Fred Davis. During an interview with Davis, I asked him which football player he used to emulate as a kid and his answer was Michael Irvin. I quickly reminded him that he’s a member of the Washington Redskins now and answering “I used to pretend I was one of the hated rivals” is probably not the best route to take on his first day in town. We both laughed, and he quickly changed his tune to Jerry Rice and promised to stick with Rice’s name in future interviews.

Fast forward to last week, where it seems Redskins rookie wide out Devin Thomas won the 2008 Rookie Madden Bowl. Thomas competed against such names as Matt Ryan, Brian Brohm and Rashard Mendenhall and came out on top, calling the win “the greatest moment of his NFL career to date.” Here’s the problem – Thomas used the Dallas Cowboys in the video game tournament.

I guess no one sat him down (shame on you, Redskins media relations) and spelled it out. Something like “Hey Devin, don’t use the Cowboys when you play in a video game tournament that people will find out about. That’d be like us making you wear Michigan colors during a TV interview in East Lansing.”

I (half-jokingly) explain to folks that I’ve been a ‘Skins fan for so long that my parents put me in Dallas diapers and told me to aim for the star. During my Army time, when I was stationed in Texas for two and a half years, I would make it a point to be at the local sports bar the minute the doors opened every Sunday to ensure the Redskins game ended up on the biggest Plasma screen in the bar (which meant the Dallas fans had to watch the home game on one of the dinky TV screens above the bar). Sure, I nearly got my teeth kicked in on a weekly basis by pissed off Cowboys fans, but it was worth it. That’s what this rivalry is all about.

I most likely won’t get another chance to chat with the rookies until training camp, but in the meantime I am pleading with someone at Redskins Park to please sit these guys down and brief them on exactly who George Allen was and what this rivalry means to this town. If they’re going to be a part of the biggest rivalry in professional football, they need to know what’s expected of them.

(photo by Brian Murphy)

I know this is going to come as a shocker, but rookie head coach Jim Zorn is not Joe Gibbs. None of this is groundbreaking, but to recap – he doesn’t have the Hall of Fame credentials, his friends call him “Z-Man,” and he looks like he’d be more comfortable in shorts with a surfboard, rather than running an NFL franchise. I’d go as far as to say that if Seattle QB Matt Hasselbeck wasn’t considered a Pro Bowl quarterback, then Zorn would simply be known as the inappropriate coach who brought a Slip n’ Slide to practice.

Redskins fans almost universally agreed Zorn was a solid choice as the young and upcoming offensive coordinator when he was brought on board in February, but weren’t nearly as convinced two weeks later when he won the Redskins reality show and earned the chance to run the biggest team in town. When he began talking about opening the offense up and rumblings of five-receiver sets started making the rounds, more than one skeptical ‘Skins fan invoked the name of the ol’ ball coach, Steve Spurrier.

While it’s still really early in the game, I’m here to tell you that things might not be as gloomy as the pessimists portray. During minicamp, I was interested to see what changes would be implemented by the new regime. Little things like names on the backs of jerseys to help the rookie coach didn’t bother me. Neither did the lack of NFL referees on site, although they’ve been a staple of Gibbs’ camps for years. And yes, while Zorn still looks as though he could easily spend an afternoon jamming to Bob Marley with proverbial pothead Ricky Williams, he just might make it as one of the 32 NFL head coaches.

Very early on, those of us on the sidelines couldn’t help but notice the confidence and authoritative tone with which Zorn speaks during practice. He’s not a disciplinarian in the mold of a Marty Schottenheimer (he’s much more likely to have players use video games than the Oklahoma Drill), but he’s very much in command of the situation, in the way a veteran quarterback commands a huddle. When rookie wide out Devin Thomas cut one way and Sam Hollenbach’s pass went another, Zorn met Thomas en route back to the huddle.

“That was a good throw right there, but you were still in college,” the Z-Man said.

No wasted words. No sugar coating. At that moment, only one of the guys in the conversation seemed to be a rookie.

Later in practice, veteran cornerback Shawn Springs picked off an errant pass and pitched it back to fellow cornerback Fred Smoot, who juggled the ball for a few steps before tackle Jon Jansen sent him flying. Immediately, Zorn came flying in and ripped into both defensive players, essentially saying, “Cut the crap. We don’t do that here.” More than any other minicamp moment, this is what I’ll remember. As one veteran writer put it, “I guess the inmates won’t be running the asylum around here anymore.”

The purpose of this entry is not to suggest that Jim Zorn is going to be better than Joe Gibbs, with his three Super Bowl rings. It’s simply to point out the stark contrast between the two individuals and to suggest that maybe, just maybe, taking a chance on this promising young first-time coach could end up working out for a Redskins franchise in search of stability, over the long run.

While I was down in Richmond sneaking my way onto the racetrack, it looks like one of the Redskins newest additions was making headlines of his own.

Fred Davis, the rookie tight end out of USC, has caused an uproar after missing Sunday’s practice because he overslept, which has prompted some folks to jump on the ridiculous “he had character issues in college” bandwagon.

Before I get into it, let me John Clayton explain exactly what happened. According to Clayton:“Then there was second-round pick Fred Davis. He couldn’t sleep Saturday night because his roommate wouldn’t shut up. So he went to the desk of the hotel and asked for a different room. He slept until 11 a.m., and the team couldn’t find him because he wasn’t in the right room.”

When asked for comment after the final practice of minicamp (and before he knew all the details), rookie head coach Jim Zorn was refreshingly candid and honest about the situation.

“If it is [oversleeping], he’s got to be mortified,” Zorn said. “But that’s a young guy, let’s set the alarm. You can call for a wake-up call, whatever. And some of these guys are young enough, I’m serious, to not even understand that. He thought maybe somebody else was going to wake him up, I don’t know. But he’ll learn, he’ll learn real quick.”

Here’s the thing about this — this is a non-story. Anyone saying otherwise is a twit. Even coming from an established program like USC, this entire NFL experience is still a culture shock for a 22-year-old kid. I equate it to when I first joined the Army and suddenly found myself in Panama and way out of my comfort zone. Being fairly responsible, I had never had issues with forgetting my wallet or oversleeping during my youth, but almost immediately after I arrived in country I started screwing up left and right. Making a mandatory formation was no longer routine and more than one my sergeant had to put a foot in my ass to guide me in the right direction.

As best as I can tell, this has more to do with Davis ending up with loquacious roommate than him being a knucklehead. Let’s all take a deep breath and chalk it up to a little bad luck for this young man. I guarantee, with his professional career at stake, he’ll be too scared to have anything like this happen again.

And just to drive home the fact that I think that Davis is a good kid, I want to share my interview with him from Friday’s practice. Out of all the interviews I did at Redskins Park that day, he was the most enjoyable person to talk to. The biggest gripe I have with him is he grew up idolizing Michael Irvin, but as you can hear in the audio, I took care of that real quick.