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Brendan Haywood earned the scorn of the national media when he delivered a “hard foul” to LeBron James, sending King James into the third row of seats in the first game of the Wizards-LeBrons series. DeShawn Stevenson, depending on which talking head you listen to, either attempted to clothesline James or use a close-handed fist to straight up pop him in the dome in game four. Judging by the number of times folks in the national media have called for a Wizards player to be suspended, clearly, no one paid to cover basketball is up for any sort of physical contact — especially when it involves The Savior.

Well, that got me thinking. Maybe the Wiz are better off openly embracing the role of the villain. I mean, they’re already down three games to one and nobody outside of the beltway is rooting for them. So go with it. Cue up the intro music for Iron Sheik or Nikolai Volkoff from the WWF’s glory days and come out playing the part of the bad guy. Start one of your expendable bench players like Andray Blatche and the first time LeBron James goes for a dunk, a layup or even a drink of water, you knock his ass out. We don’t need to start a brawl like the trash in Detroit, but we can send a message that this Washington squad isn’t going down without a fight.

Which brings me to my last point — come out in Bullets jerseys. In fact, announce tomorrow morning that the franchise is embracing its roots and returning to a name that never should have gotten away. Team owner Abe Pollin has ruined two names — changing the Bullets to the Wizards back in 1995 because the name “carried violent overtones” and then being honored by the District when they renamed Fun Street to Abe Pollin Way. So he’s turned the local basketball team soft and taken the “fun” out of Washington. Thanks for nothing, dick.

You want people to take you seriously, Wizards/Bullets? Well, I want to cheer for a team not named after a Harry Potter character. Let’s work together and see if we can’t fix this sad situation. For starters, break out the old red, white and blue Bullets jerseys, grab a steel chair and show the good people of Cleveland that you’re ready for a shot at the title. If nothing else, it’ll give us all something to talk about during the offseason (besides the fact that this team is better off without Gilbert Arenas in the lineup).

Oops … did I say that?

UPDATE: Dan Steinberg’s latest entry proves the Wiz are completely on board with my suggestion. DeShawn Stevenson didn’t come out onto the court to the Iron Sheik’s music — he did one better. He arrived in Cleveland for game five wearing a Mike Vick jersey. It’s so simple, I’m stunned I didn’t think of it. Why go back 20 years, when you go sport the jersey of public enemy number one who is currently in jail for killing dogs for fun? This is especially effective when you’re in the city with a diehard group of fans who call themselves … you guessed it … the Dawg Pound. Did I mention D.C. is like no other sports town?

(courtesy photo)

As previously mentioned, Shawn Carter, a.k.a. – Jay-Z, took time out of his busy schedule to dive into the DeShawn Stevenson-LeBron James feud. Thanks to the reader who was kind enough to pass along this link to the hip-hop icon’s track that was played at Love nightclub in D.C. this past Friday night while the Cleveland LeBrons were enjoying a night out on the town. Getting Soulja Boy to show up at a game, sit courtside and sport your jersey is one thing, but having Jay-Z make a custom-track and sending it to the club you just so happen to be at with your boys … well … that’s taking it to the next level. Needless to say, the freestyle lyrics flowing from Mr. Carter are not exactly work safe. Keep that in mind when you check it out.

And sadly, unless the Wizards learn to rebound, take smarter shots and stop with the careless passes this series (and the off-court drama that comes with it) will be over in the next few days. Can’t Gilbert Arenas blog about Nas and get him involved? If I remember correctly, Nas and Jay-Z aren’t exactly the closest of friends.

Growing up, I was a huge fan of the WWF. The theater involved with Hulk Hogan calling on his Hulkamaniacs to “say their prayers and eat their vitamins” so he could have the strength to defeat Andre the Giant was more than enough to have me tune in each Saturday morning.

I also grew up an avid boxing fan and often was able to talk my parents into letting me have a friend spend the night when one of Mike Tyson’s fights were going to be shown on HBO. From their standpoint it was simple – ‘Iron Mike’ was going to knock out his tomato can of an opponent in the first round and then they’d send my buddy and I to bed for the night. I bring this up because anyone whose ever heard the name Don King knows the ingredients for a entertaining weigh-in – lots of trash talking, some pushing and shoving and then the promise of a top-notch main event.

I bring up both of these examples because this entry is dedicated to the Washington Wizards, who are currently facing a “standing eight count” against the Cleveland LeBrons. You may remember Wiz guard DeShawn Stevenson calling King James “overrated,” and Gilbert Arenas following that up with a blog entry basically begging for a first-round bout with Cleveland because he was sure they were beatable. Well, in the immortal words of my mom, “Be careful what you ask for because you just may get it.” The Wizards hung around in game one until their biggest Achillies’ heel exposed itself once again.

For three years I’ve argued with other locals who follow this team that they’re never going to venture deep into the playoffs unless radical changes are made to the composition of this team. There are simply too many guys who settle for jump shots instead of driving into the paint and getting the tough baskets or forcing the opposition into foul trouble.
That may work for stretches during the regular season, but when everything intensifies during the postseason, jump shooters have a way of going cold and missing the big shots with the game on the line. That’s why ESPN always shows when a shooter drains a 20 footer in the second half — because they just don’t go in that often in the playoffs.

Antawn Jamison is a wonderful complementary player, but he’s not the type of go-to player who is willing to bang around down low and muscle his way to the basket when the season is on the line. Gilbert Arenas is fearless, when healthy, but this player wearing #0 is not that same player. Injuries have limited Agent Zero to 15 points and three assists a game so far in the playoffs, which is fine if you’re Derek Fisher. Not so much for Arenas, who fancies himself a superstar. Ditto with Caron Butler’s production, who is bringing home 13 points and five boards a night. Brendan Haywood is willing to get down and dirty — shoving King James into the third row of seats behind the basket when James had the audacity to try to drive the basket while Haywood was on the court (he hasn’t been this willing to get physical since the last time he and teammate Etan Thomas read poetry together). But Haywood can only do so much. Anyone expecting more than 10 points and 10 rebounds from Brendan is in for a letdown.

So this leads us to a fairly simple question — if the Wizards are built for regular season success, at best, and are suffering from the same rash of injuries that have hampered them for the last two years, why are they talking trash to the best young player in the game? Um … anyone?

“I think the Washington Wizards have got to be the dumbest team in the history of civilization,” said Charles Barkley, who never shies away from a chance to state the obvious. “I think for them to rile up LeBron, who is the second best player in the NBA, I think that’s just stupid.”

The bottom line is, unless the Wiz can stop talking the talk and start walking the walk, they’ll be golfing the golf by next weekend. They’re entertaining and a fun team to watch, and when the shots are falling, they can run with anyone. But during the playoffs, I just don’t think their jump-shooting mentality, especially against a motivated Cleveland LeBrons squad, is good enough to carry them past the first round. If this series goes six games, I’d be stunned. Hopefully I’m wrong, but history (and not to mention Cleveland’s eight straight playoff wins against the Wiz) seem to agree.