“There will never be a rivalry between me and DeShawn.”
Those are the words of Cleveland Cavs superstar LeBron James from this past Friday. Thankfully, King James’ words to the media and his actions are not on the same page as this first round playoff series continues to find new ways to become more and more enjoyable. Let’s take a step back to get everyone caught up:
After the Wiz defeated the LeBrons back in March, Stevenson called LeBron “overrated.” It had less to do with King James being on the cover of Vogue that month, and more to do with stopping LeBron from hitting a game-winning shot at the buzzer. When asked for a response, James declined, saying responding to Stevenson “would be like Jay-Z saying something bad about Soulja Boy.” (Trashtalking For Dummies breakdown: I’m the best there is and he’s a one-hit wonder).
DeShawn is a smart guy, so he uses that slight as a reason to contact Soulja Boy. He catches the rapper up on the feud and invites him to join the Wizards in their playoff quest to dethrone mighty King James. Fast forward to this past week, when Soulja Boy sat courtside for the Wizards first home game of the playoffs, a 36-point rout of the Cavs, while rocking a DeShawn Stevenson jersey. If you’re in the mood for a good laugh, here’s a link to the video (courtesy of the Washington Post) of Soulja Boy doing his trademark dance and even throwing in Stevenson’s “I can’t feel my face” hand wave at the end.
Beat writers jokingly asked LeBron if Jay-Z, who by the way is a minority owner of the New Jersey Nets, would be appearing in James’ corner for game four. “No. Come on. We don’t … I’m not even going to say what I want to say,” was his response. So that’s it, end of story, right? Not by a long shot.
Mike Wise’s column from Sunday’s edition of the Post breaks the news that Jay-Z made a diss record on Friday about DeShawn Stevenson, with Mr. Beyonce Knowles freestyling over the beat from “Blow The Whistle” by Too Short. Read that last sentence again. The biggest rapper alive crushed DeShawn Stevenson in a track specifically made for this feud that was played at Love, the same D.C. hotspot where Gilbert Arenas’ million-dollar birthday jam was held last year. Ladies and gentlemen, all we’re missing is an owner like the unstable Mark Cuban or a cameo by “Iron” Mike Tyson and this could end up becoming the biggest sports story of 2008.
People wonder how I’ve been able to brainwash my wife, who knew nothing about sports before I “saved” her five years ago. The truth is, this town does sports like no other. We’ve got Clinton Portis playing dress up during press conferences. Chris Cooley wears booty shorts and marries a Redskins cheerleader (only after she gets fired for being with him in the first place). Alex Ovechkin, the league’s best player, like to hit people as much as score goals. Sergei Fedorov was married to Anna Kournikova. Gilbert Arenas blogs about killing himself. Caron Butler went on Oprah to tell her about being a thug as a child. DeShawn Stevenson and Drew Gooden have a beard-growing competition — first one to shave reportedly loses $25,000. Seriously, this isn’t professional sports — it’s an MTV reality show. It’s the kind of crap-tastic drama that fills her gossip magazines and airs weekly on Big Brother or The Real World. You can’t pry her away from this stuff. Where else in the world would Jay-Z feel the need to pause his 43rd comeback tour to freestyle a rap dissing the fourth most popular basketball player on the team?
Only in the district. And thank God for that.